Small Universe
by nanu107
Summary: And gradually I discover that not everything in this little universe follows the laws of physics, and gradually I'm absorbed into the concrete irrationality of this world which I entered willingly.
1. Chapter 1

**Small Universe  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_***

_**Author's Ramblings**__: I must admit I have a secondary account, under a different name, in which I upload stories in Spanish of my favorite dramas. I won't tell who I am (someone out there might mention it anyway) but I have translated (with the magic of 's translator) this story for you to enjoy. I was pretty amazed I produced it, and it was a carefully guarded secret till my good friend and editor Klove read it… I've never been so proud of my (apparently ignored) poetic skills. This is proof of I what I can really do.  
Enjoy._

.  
.

**Chapter 1**

.  
She gives me some honeywater while asking if I'm ok, but her voice is hard to hear, somewhat distant; like the difference between a memory and a transient pain. She wonders why I'm so drunk, and I can only tilt my face and sigh; I have much to think about and the alcohol is not helping as I thought it would. Rather than forgetting it makes me remember; instead of reasoning it makes me act. The alcohol-induced euphoria dissipates slowly and leaves me with open wound that still bleed, and I without a single bandage to cover them. So I find myself naked, each of my scars open before her… her, whom I thought would never be something important in my life. Not surprised that she remains by my said, still mumbling something I can't understand I feel her hand clinging to my elbow as if it were to disappear at any moment. But as drunk as I am, where would I go? I don't even remember where I left my car. The mild flavor of the honey seems to soothe the thoughts that torture me and slowly put them in order, before I can control myself my thoughts came flying out of my mouth, things that were not meant to be heard by someone as (often) dull as Park Kae In.

I tell her things that no one knows, such as running in circles since I became an orphan, letting the bitterness of this life that has been so unfair with me. As I run looking to be recognized in my work, in my life, and perhaps looking for a way out of this suffering that has been so hard to overcome, that has consumed my mother and the injustice of it all, I am only able to hit walls… I am still that brat that does not stop running, unable to realize I'm running in circles again and again.

It hurts. I want to tell her that it hurts, but my lips are suddenly still and tears flow on their; they are released as suicidal pearls from my drunken body, trying to free the pain that no one can see, because I'm a very good actor, or too proud, to let it out of my system. Her voice penetrates the fog of my brain and her little hands turn my face to meet her eyes. She strokes my face, and her fingers clean my tears; who would have thought such hands could leave such tender caress in my cheeks, that they would mean so much to me. I'm surprised at how it wraps around me, and I am totally immersed in Park Kae In, Sang Go Jae and the small universe in which we live and dream together.

"Jin Ho-ssi, don't cry." She says tenderly, her eyes full of tears, moved by the sad story of a scoundrel like me. Her lips tremble, her big chocolaty eyes watch me with that emotion I cannot identify over the few dinners we shared, reflected in her smiles and the concern for me. What will happen when she finds out I'm not gay and, and as other in her life, I have used her to my own benefit? Suddenly guilt hits me, smashing my soul as I watch her, worried about my sad story, my sorry plight… and again, instead of talking, of confessing my treason and stopping this pretense, I acted.

My eyes didn't stop watching her, until at some point they closed, I leaned in slowly. She had the chance to stop this, to push me away and shout, remind me that I am pretending to be gay and shouldn't think of her like this. She should have, but she didn't, her hands still cradling my face I approach and kiss her trembling lips.

I was touching virgin territory, unexplored, perhaps someone else had kissed her before but not like this torrid-full-of-alcohol-and-memories kiss that I dared give her now, not brave enough to do so while sober. It's full of a gentle romance that cannot still believe exists; there was her abused happiness and the promise of my love, hiding in a corner with my soul. I pulled away a little and I could see her eyes, she wasn't looking at me but her eyes were filled with that confusing thought that I was gay, but there was also that emotion that had snuck in between the fights, the war created by our differences and had slowly nestle between us and this little universe that had become home.

She didn't have to say anything, I knew her well enough; even when the smell of alcohol was overwhelming, and my actions were totally senseless, Park Kae In forgave me. Still cradling my face between her small hands I just knew that if she learned the truth about me she would forgive me.

She would always forgive me.

I want to kiss her every day, every hour, I want to hold her for the rest of my days; I want her to rinse away the tears for all of eternity, I want to have her close, like this, her breaths caressing my lips as quietly she wonders what had just happened. But I'm too drunk to understand this and I just get up and leave.


	2. Chapter 2

**Small Universe  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_***

_**Author's Ramblings**__: This is part two, for now I won't be finishing this story because honestly I have LiveWire and Contemporary to work with. If I ever have a poetic bout again, I will return to this. I hope you enjoy it._

**.  
.**

**Chapter 2**  
.

"I ended it with Kae In." I deliver the news to Hyung, who as co-heir of this suffering; at any other time I would have been just mine, but as the mastermind of this charade he must also carry the load of this separation. I'm vindictive, is one of my negative traits, cruel and pointless. Although Hyung had always been exempt from my mood swings and the anger; this short phrase is the fruit of his 'bravo's and his little encouragements to continue my lies while I existed within Sang Go Jae. Slowly his features decay and an iceberg settles in our hearts; Hyung leaves my file of vision, and for once I regret having spoken at all, but I remain silent and our day begins with the insurance that we would not be giving up the DAAM project.

Just stuff my heart into a vase and throw it to the sea while I focus in my abandoned dreams.

I wonder if Hyung will be brave enough to show his face around me after this, I focus on the job and but my thoughts are a mess and dance around my head all morning. How could my mother thank me for having ended it with Kae in-ssi? My hands trace the incessant unending lines with architectural terminology, dancing with the paper as if they were lovers (and maybe they are) while my mind kept bringing up the last words I exchanged with the love of my life.

_Seducing a woman like you is like basic math for me. I never loved you… why continue the charade if Professor Park already knows the truth?_

It was lunch time, but I continued working, Hyung ate nothing, while Tae Hoon asked if he was feeling well. The red table on my desk caught my eyes and gently I lift it; did she get hurt while making this? No, Kae In only got hurt when she could not express her anger, this had been a gift to repair things between them. An apple.

Six months ago and apple would have been something so insignificant, unimportant. In my race to win some architectural award, I would have probably eaten it and thrown it aside, now and apple was all I had left of her.

An apple, a small white table and its white chair.

Banished from Sang Go Jae, with no dreams to fulfill, with the beginning of an apology attempting to escape the tip of my tongue, and trapped within the smallest office my company had ever encountered… This black hole was all that was left of my little universe; I couldn't save myself, there was no way out, and all I wanted was to be absorbed and forgotten.

Tae Hoon leaves at some point, Hyung murmurs as he leaves, and in a vague moment of my new reality I take a deep breath while resting my forehead against my desk. How to face the world with this loneliness?

_I won't love Park Kae In. I don't love Park Kae In. I never loved Park Kae In._


End file.
